Well, I didn't think it would be this hard. When I was originally approached by Judie Hass, who was working (volunteering) for Music from Angel Fire, and asked to paint a violin (on it..not of it) for their 25th Anniversary Season, I was delighted. I thought "Cool, honored to be asked," and indeed I am. But I never thought it would take me two months of agonizing and countless designs wadded up and thrown away before I could just settle down and do what comes naturally to me....paint. It's so bizarre, how our perceptions and deep seated beliefs can so hinder us..or propel us to success. It went the whole range. "Why did I say I'd do this? How do I always get myself into the places? What makes me think I can paint? How am I supposed to paint watercolor on a violin?" Ugh. This morning I ask John if he could see the violin on my head. Or was it on my back, I wondered out loud.
Good grief. Get a grip, Kat. I toyed with the idea of taking the truck to Taos, since the bed is loaded with glass and cardboard from the last 7 months, awaiting the trek to the recycling facility. John said, "you need to paint. you'll feel better if you do." The recycling would sit in the bed another week. So be it. So I headed to the studio and dilly dallyed. I opened the window shade. Turned on the music system and noticed the cd tray was empty. "where are those cds?" that took another 20 minutes, finding them. Set out my painting supplies. Can you see how I was procrastinating? Why? Plain and simple..fear of failure and self doubt. Maybe if I avoid it, it will just go away. Not likely. And I know better.
One dip of the watercolor brush into the pigment, into the water, and back...ahhh. Like a splash of cool water on hot day. Swish it around a bit in the puddle in the palette. breathe in. breathe out. And then I was done. At least that how it seems to me. Yes, about 9 hours passed. Who knew? Not me. I'm looking for a suitable expletive. Can't find one. I LOVE that! I'm not tired, (look at me typing away)...but energized. Oh, why oh why do I fill my days with everything BUT painting?! After all these years you'd think I'd be over this by now. Yes, that, "can I do it?" "what makes me think I'm an artist" still stalks me. But I do know how to overcome it. It boggles my mind that I put it off. ACK! Sound familiar? hmmmm.
Anyway, Violin, painted. Not quite finished...needs a bit of silver (25th Anniversary, remember), and then varnish to seal it. It's watercolor, after all. I'll put a picture up later. Or maybe I'll wait for you to find it at the auction. we'll see. At any rate, I'm breathing again. Hallelujah!
Labels: katherinemcdermott, music from angel fire, painting, violin, watercolor